Redeemer
by X-Jazzlife-X
Summary: When the plan goes to hell, Bella is stuck between a rock and a hard place; Victoria. Which Cullen will come to her rescue and redeem himself? Will Bella be able to forgive as easily as the last time? AU/OOC only a little -Bella/Jasper
1. Prologue

When the plan goes to hell, Bella is stuck between a rock and a hard place; Victoria. Which Cullen will come to her rescue and redeem himself from that fate full day that took everything away from her? Now that it's been taken again, will Bella be able to forgive as easily as the last time?

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_A/N Just to clarify, Jacob and the wolf pack are not a part of this story. I am also omitting Riley so the fight is only against Victoria. This story does however take place during Eclipse. I do not own anything relating to the great SM._

_ONWARD! _

**Prologue**JPOV

Something was terribly wrong. I could feel Edward's fury and determination as he fought off Victoria. I could feel her sick delight as she ripped him apart. While Bella watched. The plan was turning in the wrong direction. Edward wasn't a fighter but I knew he would give his all for Bella, we all would. He even had the advantage, what was going wrong? My preoccupation with what was going down on the other side of the trees was distracting me. Pain ripped through my shoulder as a newborn sank her teeth in, bringing me back to the fight at hand.

The emotions flying everywhere were feeding my determination. I kept the four most important emotes in the front of my mind: first was Bella; if she lost it there would be uncontrollable consequences, second was Edward; he was her lifeline, her everything, her savior, thirdly was Victoria; hoping to feel her accomplishment slip was all I could hope for, and fourthly was my lifeline, Alice; she was always on my mind but at the moment I knew she could handle herself.

The newborns were faltering. They needed the guidance that was currently fighting my brother. Again, pain ripped through me, but this was not a physical pain. One moment he was there, the next, nothing. I couldn't recall the events that took place as my feet carried me at a speed even I didn't know I had, but I found myself in the clearing by the rock face that had a bleeding Bella curled up at the bottom. She was numb. I could hear her heart, pumping, the blood flowing, the adrenaline's sweet scent covering my senses.

Victoria's triumph and pride in herself was overwhelming. _Her_ plan worked, she removed her greatest obstacle and was now moving onto her prize. She killed Edward and was now going to take Bella. Mate for mate. Bella's scent was everywhere, but I couldn't focus on that. The only thing that had my attention was the spark ignited by the Hell-bent beast that seethed inside of me, who only had eyes for the delusive red head that was now eyeing the broken Bella.

She had no idea I was here, but Bella did. I held a finger to my lips so she wouldn't speak and give me away. The fear in Bella all but melted away. _Curious. _I watched as her eyes locked with mine, and then as hers traveled around my shape taking in, no doubt, the damage from my earlier battle, then lock to my eyes again. Victoria was stalking towards Bella at an abnormally slow speed, taking in the sight of the abused human girl now sitting at attention. Bella wasn't numb anymore. _She _was raging, contemplative as she threw a look so black at Victoria; even _I _could feel the hot stare render my frozen body scorched. This infuriated Victoria.

I had to step in. Bella was going to do something audacious, something I never knew she had in her, something that would have given Edward an aneurism, where he still alive_. Edward's dead. Shit_. Pain shot through Bella's eyes, only making her more furious. I had to get a grip, we could all face the misery of losing him together, but right now I had to focus.

Realization ran through Victoria as she noticed she was no longer alone. With a smirk, she looked my direction and did the last thing I could have expected. With vampire speed she was at Bella's side, leaning over her. Bella didn't budge in her resolve. She slowly stood up to her full height taking Victoria by surprise. I had to admit she had me completely dumbstruck. Bella started to saunter in my direction. Locking her eyes with mine she begged me to follow her lead, hope coursed through her. I sent her a wave of confirmation, but was totally lost as to what she had planned. Stopping in front of me she took my hand and turned to look at the offending red head. Again, surprise formed in Victoria as she took in my hand clasped by Bella's.

Then Bella started talking and I bugged out. All my thoughts started running together: what will Alice see? What will she think? Will they come after us to help? There were too many flaws in Bella's plan. What the hell am I going to do? I absently noticed Bella's hand on my chest, running through my hair, kissing my cheek. The whole time I just gaped at her. Then she was moving toward Victoria again, I knew I should have stopped her but I was stuck. Victoria took this as an invitation. A flash of red hair and it ended and began all at the same time.

Victoria leaned in and her teeth made contact with Bella's most precious vein.

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_Thanks for reading! This will continue in mostly Bella's vision. See you next time :D  
[Jazz]_


	2. Snap Decision

_Thanks to those who review and those who soon will! :P_

_ONWARD!_

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BPOV

She stepped through the trees like a flame in the dark, the many facets of her skin in the sunlight making her even brighter. Edward's protective stance in front of me never wavered. My blood was pumping so loud in my ears I had a hard time hearing the unexpected soprano voice of the vampire that has been tracking me for more than a year.

"Well, well. Edward, look what we have here! Now, I'm not the tracker James was," pain showed on her face for a split second. "But I do believe I picked up a few tricks from him. And I found you." Her devilish grin returned and she soared through the trees at breakneck speed towards us. Edward's hands touched the cold rock behind me, locking me in place. Not that I could have moved if I chose to, it was as if my legs were no longer mine. Even my hands that so desperately wanted to reach out and touch Edward's back to just feel his calm coolness against my hot skin would not budge.

In another blinding blaze of vampire swiftness, Edward was gone and so was Victoria. Through my surprise and panic I saw a flash of red to my left. She had tried to attack but Edward stopped her advances. I could hear Victoria shrieking things at Edward, but couldn't make out what they were. They were everywhere at once. Edward was always a step ahead of her.

Then I heard it. Edward's torturous scream pierced my soul like James' teeth did to my flesh. Then I saw it. Edward's left shoulder was lying not two feet from the rest of his form that was now on his knees. The look of triumph on Victoria's face was sickening. As I stood there paralyzed by what I had just witnessed and what more was to come. She proceeded to move upon him, standing over him. _What are you doing? Get up! GET UP!_ Edward just sat there looking at her. _Why are you giving in?_

I ran as fast as my feet could make me towards them. Just as I reached out to Edward he turned and smiled at me. "I love you, Isabella Marie Swan." With those apocalyptic words Victoria made her move. In two swoops of her hands, she had Edward's head off and me flying through the air towards the rock face.

All I could hear was her laughter. All I could feel was nothing. _He's gone. Edward's dead, he left me. Again._

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I couldn't tell you how much time had passed; minutes or years. Victoria had thrown me hard into the rocks, I happened to be bleeding but couldn't find enough care to worry about it. I stared off into the trees hoping someone would come and find me before Victoria decided to send me off with Edward. Then again, I wouldn't mind that, as long as it was quick. I hoped it was quick for him.

Her shifty figure stood statue-still staring at me. Her back was to the trees while her hair blew like wildfire. Like Victoria, another figure emerged from the shroud.

It was Jasper.

He was alone and rapidly advancing on Victoria. As he moved he held a long white finger up to his mouth, signaling me to be silent about his approach. I was still numb to my feelings about what had just happened to me, but having Jasper here sent my fear away. My irrational, false sense of hope and security was placed there by his presence. _Jasper could kill her, he knew what he was doing._ I locked my eyes on his and told myself it would be okay. I found my eyes wandering down the rest of his body. His clothes ripped to shreds, a few bite marks that hadn't covered over yet; the most jarring was the one on his shoulder, and the reality of the matter: J_asper was beautiful_. I could see all the scars across his neck and chest flickering in the sunlight, his blond hair falling in his face due to his previous engagement with the newborns, and his deep, golden eyes that locked with mine_. What was I doing? This is Jasper, Alice's Jasper_.

I was not numb anymore. I was angry at myself for ever thinking those thoughts about another woman's husband. I was furious at Victoria for taking Edward away from me. Most of all, I was enraged at Jasper_. Why haven't you attacked yet? Why didn't your plan work? This is your fault_. Throwing a dark scowl at both of them I made a decision. I made a plan_. I'm sorry for what I'm about to do, Edward. Please forgive me_. With that thought I had to get a hold of myself if this was ever going to work. Victoria was slowly stalking towards me and I had to make my legs work. NOW.

Jasper's eyes became as wide as they could go, feeling my determination. I slowly got to my feet and steadied myself. _Now or never._The first five steps were the worst of my life. I walked straight past Victoria, if there was ever an opportune moment that was it and she didn't take it. As I walked towards Jasper, I begged him to follow my lead with my eyes. I hoped and prayed he was nothing like Edward with his headstrong, always-have-to-be-in-charge habit and I was right. I saw it and felt it at the same time_. He's going along with it. Don't screw it up_. My plan was flawed, but at least I was doing something.

As I reached him, I took his hand. Jasper sent me a wave of calm, that only helped a little bit. Turning back to look at Victoria she had her mouth hanging open and stupid look on her face._ Here goes nothing._"Thank you, Victoria. You have made this much easier for us. Were Edward still alive, we would not be able to show our true feelings for one another." Jasper gawked at me like I had three noses, but quickly recovered. He went blank_. Good he zoned out. This makes things a little easier_. I reached with my other hand and placed it on his chest.

Victoria's disturbed look told me she was confused. "I demand you to tell me what this means!"

"This means that Jasper and I have always known we were meant to be. We just never acted on our feelings because of Edward. Now that he is out of the picture, we have nothing to worry about." I slowly reached up, placing my hand on the side of Jasper's face deliberately running my hand through his golden locks. He was still not responding. _Damn it, Jasper, wake up! _I tried a more forward action. I moved to my fullest height and more deliberately that the first move I made, placed a lingering kiss on his cheek. I heard a low hiss from the on-looker which snapped me out of the daze that seemed to form as soon as my lips made contact with his cool cheek bone. _Still nothing. I hope he didn't feel that flicker. _

"This is ridiculous, why would you and the empath be together? His mate is the fortune teller for God's sake! You people are so screwed up! This is what happens when you ignore what you really are: human killing, blood sucking predators." Her voice trailed off until it became to low to hear. Jasper was still yet to respond and I needed and out. So I chose the one thing that would really get his attention: I moved away from and towards Victoria.

It was the worst move I could have made.

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_Thanks for reading!  
[Jazz]_


	3. Newborn

_You guys rock Jasper's socks! I would know cause I'm wearing a pair! _Yeah right._ If only, if only. Anyway, do what readers do best!_

_ONWARD!_

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BPOV

Shit.

With a non-responsive Jasper, an irate Victoria, and my own lethargic demeanor I was in for a hell of a ride.

My last steps toward a destination I had wanted so desperately with Edward were moving much faster than I had anticipated. _Three more steps._ I thought about Charlie and all the times I wished could have been different; all the times I wished I had told him that I loved him. _Two more steps._I thought about my almost family with the Cullens. The ever compassionate Carlisle: my third father, wisest of them all. The inspiring Esme: her love could conquer that of all other mothers. The witty jock that was Emmett: my over-protective big brother. The fierce Rosalie: although she was adamant about me not joining their lifestyle, she was the most vigilant and unchanging. The enthusiastic Alice: her ready-fire attitude making it hard to not love her. _One more step_. The perceptive Jasper: the calm before the storm, a man of few words; someone who had unwavering confidence in me. He may have had a lapse in self control, but nobody blamed him. Lastly, was my Edward: my first love, my first kiss, my first boyfriend, my first everything. Edward was my all-consuming universe; that universe was taken from me when he left and given back when I saved him. Now it was gone again. I couldn't find the will to fight for it again.

Just as Edward had, I muttered those famous last words, "I love you, Edward Anthony Mason." Victoria grabbed my hair, jolting hard and exposing my neck. It was as if everything was put in slow motion but on fast forward at the same time. I was going to die. She leaned in, grabbing my face and turning it towards Jasper. Through the trees for the third time today, four vampires emerged all wearing the same expression.

"You took James away from me, you little bitch. Now, I will make _him_ watch." She hissed at Jasper and the others, but he was still comatose. "He will watch as you beg me to kill you. As you feel the fire take over your body, screaming for the end, he will watch." I felt guilty for dragging Jasper into this situation but all was lost in a matter of seconds.

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The feeling of Victoria's teeth ravaging my neck was not as foreign as it should have been. The all too familiar burning pulsed through me faster than before. The venom moved through my veins and heart taking over my body. The ability to think was long forgotten. While I could still keep my bearings I took stock of what was to be my last human memory. For the second time today I heard the tell tale keening of a vampire being ripped apart, this time I was glad to hear it. While in my state between this life and the next I vaguely remember being held, a sobbing I knew not to be my own. _For a change._ I could see Emmett and Rose blurring in and out of my vision; lighting the fire no doubt to burn Victoria's body. _I wonder what they will do with Edward's body? _Carlisle hovered above me trying to do something, anything, but he was just as lost as me.

"Where's Alice?" Carlisle's voice came to me like bad reception. "Jasper...out of here now! ...too much blood. Don't strain yourself...Don't be a hero."

Jasper's voice rang loud and clear. "I am not going to leave her. This is my fault. All of it! Edward is dead, because of me. Bella is now changing, because of me. I need to do something right for a change, Carlisle. I owe that to Bella."

As I drifted off deeper and deeper the words got harder to understand until they were just slurring sounds. There was a whooshing that got louder and louder as the pain and pressure began to build inside of me. I couldn't take it any longer, I couldn't hold it in any more. A piercing cry escaped my lips as the fire fed off itself inside of me. I screamed for Edward. I didn't know what else to do; he was all I had ever known. I longed for his cool touch against my flaming cheeks like whenever my blush decided to rear its ugly head. I realized then I would never blush again.

As if hearing my very thoughts, I felt something touch my face that relieved the fever for only a short second, but let me know I was not alone. Three days seemed like a long time. _Why did I ever want this for myself? Oh yeah, I remember because you thought the love of your life was, well, the person you thought was the love of your life, wanted to spend eternity with you. Apparently not._ As the seconds ticked by I tried to stop thinking. I tried to feel the heat and burn of the venom, almost as a punishment to myself for ever believing Edward loved me. _That thought alone was punishment enough._

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"I think she's coming around." Jasper. I felt a wave of calm and a warm hand on my cheek.

"I wish Alice was here to help us." Esme. "Has there been any news?"

"No." Carlisle. "Emmett, Rosalie would you like to welcome Bella to the family?" I didn't expect Rose to be welcoming, but it would be nice to see Emmett again.

"She is wary of someone, maybe everyone shouldn't be in the room. It's a little overwhelming." _Ever the gentleman._

"It's OK everyone, I think I'll be alright." My mind had literally just thought about sitting up and sliding off the table when I noticed I already was. "Wow, that was weird." Looking around at all the faces of the Cullens I was relieved. _I'm not dead after all._ Making mental notes of everyone, I memorized their faces: Jasper to my left _still holding my hand_, Carlisle _looking on with pride_, Esme fidgeting _she wants to give me a hug_, Rose _woah_, and Emmett _had the biggest grin EVER_. "Where's Edward? And Alice?" Looks of pity and sadness formed on their beautiful faces. Realization hit me as I sunk to the floor. Jasper had his arms around me trying to sooth me. "Jasper Whitlock don't you dare try to manufacture any emotions of mine." The amount of venom in my tone was shocking.

"It's all right, Bella, I wouldn't even think about doing that." I looked him straight in the eyes and sent every once of newborn anger in his direction.

"This is all your fault!" I stood up as quickly as I had fallen. "Everything happened because you didn't have a good enough plan." I was seething. Jasper hadn't stood up yet and was now almost curled into a ball.

"Bella you need to calm down, Jasper has only tried to help you. Now I think it is time that you go out and learn to hunt before it becomes too much for you. Esme, Rose will you go and teach her how to hunt?"

"NO! I want to." Jasper's desperate voice was pleading and his broken features weren't helping me stay mad. "I need to speak with Bella, alone, explain some things. She is here because of me, the least I can do is as much as possible. I do also have a knack with newborns."

"That seems like a good enough plan? As long as Bella is comfortable with it, I see no problem."

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_Alright, another chapter down! A shout out to Janet! I didn't take a week to update! Till' next time.  
[Jazz]_


	4. Declarations

_Well, well. Back again I am. Here is some Jazzella (thanks for the name Hyper :P) one on one synergy. The plot thickens..._

_ONWARD!_

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BPOV

Was I comfortable with it? _Was I comfortable with it? _Has this doctor lost his mind? "Why would I be comfortable going _hunting_ with someone who stood on the side lines and _watched _as a vampire sampled my blood? Most importantly, why the _fuck_ did she leave me like this? Why wouldn't she kill me?" I was burning again, not with venomous fire, but with livid hate towards Jasper.

"I don't know." Jasper wasn't looking at me, but I could tell by his tone that he was afflicted by the situation. "Bella," He finally turned to meet my frown. "I don't know how you ever forgave me for what happened at your birthday, and I don't know if or how you ever will again, but right now you need to trust me. There are things you need to know about your previous life and your new one. I hope you will let me teach you." He bowed his head to signal that he was finished. I didn't know what to say. Then I realized that I was completely calm. _Clever move Whitlock. _He had used his speech to discretely quell my outburst.

His little rant was the foundation of my new found curiosity and questioning . "What do you mean, 'what happened at my birthday'? You attacked me and Edward tried to push me out of the way. I know and you know why I forgave you; you lost control and the blood lust took over. I understand." Shaking my head I continued, "And as for things I need to know about my human life, what do you know about me? You hardly even knew me." I wasn't intending to offend Jasper in that moment but the jarring expression he wore made me immediately regret my chosen words. "I'm sorry, Jasper. That was an assumption on my end. I just can't think of anything that _you_ could tell _me_, about myself."

"It's alright. I think I was quick to judge as well. I do think it would be best if we went hunting now. That is if you will let me guide you with your first hunt?" Jasper asked me for the second time to hunt with him. But this time when he asked me he looked up through his lashes with the tiniest hint of a smile playing on his lips. Most of my anger towards him was gone. He could tell. "Please, Bella, it would be an honor to help you through this experience. And I could answer any questions you have as thoroughly as possible. "

He had me at 'please'. _Was I just __**dazzled**__ by my best friend's husband? More importantly did I __**like**__ it? _Giving my head a shake to clear those thoughts, I decided I needed to gain some ground here. Jasper was playing games and he might have had me if I was still human. _Two can play at that game. _My inner Evil Bella was making a showcase of herself. "I have a few ground rules first." I said as I cocked an eyebrow in Jasper's direction. "Firstly, no cavorting with my emotions. If I feel something, let me feel it. And secondly, no holding back. When you disclose something you better tell me _everything_. Thirdly, I am _not _jumping out that window!" My eyes got wide as I saw Carlisle opening the window in the glass wall.

Esme smiled at me warmly, "It's alright dear, your new body was made to handle this kind of stuff." Her calm voice startled me. I had totally forgotten we weren't alone in the room until she said something.

"Bella, I think we should leave. I know you are under control now, but later that might not be the case. We can go through the window or the back door, it's your choice. I can show you my favorite hunting spot I think you will enjoy it." With a wink Jasper was at my side awaiting my plan of exit.

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"I think I'm going to die." I said while stepping up to look out the window. "You go first!"

"No you won't die." _He was laughing at me._ "Of course I'll go first, you have nothing to worry about, Bella. It will feel natural when it happens." Jasper's warm smile made me feel a little better. I tried not to notice the double meaning in his words. _Was he __**flirting **__with me?_ "OK. Try and remember when you used to watch us do things at vampire speed, what did you see?"

Most of my human memories were murky, but generally when I watched Edward move around at his preferred speed he was completely blurry. "You were always blurred and distorted, like my eyes couldn't keep up."

Jasper's smile grew even wider. I had never seen him smile that big before. _More like never._ "Exactly my point. Now watch my movements very carefully." He stepped up beside me at the window and turned to face me smirking like a fool. "Don't look away from me Bella, eyes here." We never lost eye contact, even as he stepped backwards off the ledge.

"NO, ohmygawd! Jasper!" My tantrum was unneeded as I watched Jasper fall _slowly _two floors down to land gracefully on his feet in a crouch. He never looked away from me even during his landing.

"It's alright, just step out of the window, you have lots of time." Jasper was speaking at normal volume but I expected not be able to hear him all the way up here. But he was loud and clear. "Bella?" I was overwhelmed by the sight of how graceful he was. I couldn't believe I just witnessed something so beautiful. Most of all I couldn't believe I actually _saw_ it. It wasn't fuzzy, blurry, or distorted. Just completely focused on this handsome vampire who is trying to teach me how to jump out of a window. _You moron, he is waiting for you to jump._ "Don't worry, Bella, I'll catch you if I have to."

_Stupid emotion-feeling vampire. _"It's OK, Jazz, if I don't stick the landing let me fall on my butt. It's the only way I'll learn." _Here goes nothing._ Stepping out into the fading light I felt free. As I fell, my eyes closed and my ears turned off. All that registered was the faint whooshing of the breeze across my cool skin. Sooner than I expected I made contact with something that didn't feel like the ground.

"Are you nuts? Why would you close your eyes? Bella, earth to Bella?" His words snapped me back to reality. Strong, steady arms rested under my back and knees. _Jasper __**did**__ catch me! _"Are you even aware that that was the stupidest thing I have ever seen a vampire newborn do?"

I could hear and feel his concern for my stupidity and lack of response in his words. "It's fine. I don't know why I closed my eyes; it was just this feeling, like I was…"

"Unlimited?" he finished my sentence for me. "Yeah I guess I should have warned you, but it took a lot of courage to step out of the window like you did." I was still supported in Jasper's arms; our faces centimeters apart. His sweet, warm breath fanned me with his words as he gazed into my eyes, tasting my emotions. "Shall we go now?"

"Um, Jazz, you're still holding me." If I could still blush I would have in that moment. I think he would have too. No doubt he could feel my embarrassment and placed me on my feet quick as a flash. Expecting myself to wobble, I reached out and placed my hand in his still outstretched one.

"Sorry, I didn't notice." _What the hell? How do you not notice you are holding someone? _Feeling my chagrin at his comment, he felt the need to explain, "I just felt normal, to catch you." He lowered his gaze to our hands. "So does this," raising our hands, "but why are you clutching my hand?"

I was temporarily speechless at his mention of the feeling of normalcy, "I…ah, I thought…I was going to need to steady myself, a reflex I guess." Now it was my turn to look away. "Sorry."

"Never be sorry Bella, we are family now, and we might as well become comfortable with each other. Now I really think we should get going. Ladies first." He released my hand and motioned for be to move ahead of him; placing the hand I was just holding on the small of my back.

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Running was never this good as a human. It was never even this good when I was on Edward's back. I now know why he loved it so much.

"Don't worry, Bella, I'll tell you everything I can about it." As if Jasper could read my mind, he told me just what I needed to hear. "We are almost there. Are you OK with hunting first and then talking?" He raised his eyebrows at me questioningly.

"That sounds fine, but, I don't know what I'm doing..." I meekly looked the other direction and breathed a heavy sigh. _What is that smell? _It's sweet, saccharine scent caught my attention completely. Whipping my head around I clutched at Jasper's hand and locked my gaze with his, silently asking what to do. "Is that, cougar?"

He gave me a devious smile and said, "Wow Bella, you have good taste. Cougar is my favorite. You are also a very quick learner. Now, I'm going to ask you some things but first I want to you to extend your senses. _Now_ is the time to close your eyes. Open your mind, block out my scent and focus on the scent that caught your attention." I did as I was told. Take a deep breath through your nose, spotlighting where the smell is coming from. How far away is it Bella?"

"Two point three miles away, and moving towards us. _Silly rabbit_."

In a haughty tone Jasper continued, "What direction?"

"South." I couldn't wait anymore, I had to taste its blood _**now**._

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_Thank you all again for reading! Just to let you all know, I am working on some one-shots so I may not be posting as often as I have been to this story. Also, I wouldn't mind if you all checked out those one-shots when they are posted! Keep an eye out!  
So, I'm a little conflicted. I'm not sure if I should kill Alice off or not. I have lots of things for her no matter what way I decide but you, as the reader, can ultimately sway my choice. My friends can't seem to decide...Amanda :P You opinion IS valid!  
[Jazz]_


	5. Nature

_Ok, just to clarify something to everyone: ALICE SHALL NOT DIE! Thank you for all the reviews and opinions!_ _But I still invoke the right to mess around with SM characters. :P That being said, I do not own anything recognizable.  
There was a lot to put in this chapter people, hope you can handle it.  
__One more thing, I'm trying to come up with a subtle, yet powerful ability for Bella. It already has an empath knack to it. I've got some ideas but would love to hear yours! Get creative people. _

_ONWARD!_

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BPOV

I took off leaving Jasper behind. At least I thought I left him behind. He was right beside me the whole way, glancing in my direction every now and then. "Am I doing this right?" Talking and running at vampire speed was so much easier than when I was human.

"Just follow your instincts Bella. What you are doing now is perfect, it's all in your nature. Tune me out and do what feels right_." Jasper talks with his hands a lot_. "What are you grinning at?" I just smiled bigger. And picked up the pace.

Two miles of running went by in a dash and I was getting worried. I was more aware of Jasper than I should have been; tuning him out was harder than it should have been and if I remembered correctly, Edward always said that hunting was a very carnal thing. _Very stimulating_. Jasper was going to watch me do this. "Bella, if you keep twitching like that the animal is going to sense your approach. Calm down, woman_" he called me 'woman'. Stop it, Bella, he has Alice._ "I can tell you're nervous about me being here when it happens. You won't even notice me, but if you want I can go and find something for myself." The thought of actually _hunting _with him was intoxicating.

"NO, stay here with me, I mean, I need your help. After I get the hang of it then we can go and get you something?" I think I said that with a little too much conviction. Now he was smiling at me.

"No problem, Bella, but now I think..." His words were lost to me. Once again I was struck with that heady, suddenly familiar smell and it was much closer than the last time. Jasper, long but not forgotten was pushed to the back of my mind. Although I was still progressively more aware of him, he no longer held the interest of my burning hunger.

My body went through the motions like I had been doing this my whole life. I was crouched and listening keenly, the cougar's heartbeat and slow breathing rang loud and clear. I felt my muscles coil and before I could make myself move, I already was. Moving through the green leaves I was on top of the cougar, snapping its neck, and latching onto its vein. The warm, hot liquid flowed into my mouth and down my throat. At first, it tasted awry, but the gamy taste was gone after a second and a half. The heavenly flow of the mellow, pungent, savory blood covered my senses. Once the luscious liquid was consumed I found myself wanting more. The intense burn from earlier was gone but a slow kindle still remained.

Standing up I realised I was no longer alone. I whipped around and once again I found myself pitched through the air before the thought even registered, but this time I wasn't going for the kill. _Shit, it was just Jasper. Apparently I can't stop as fast as I can start. _As we made contact, _chest to chest, _I waited for the air to be knocked out of my lungs. That feeling never came. The feeling that did come was that of a very sexy vampire beneath me. "Woah, Bella, it's just me!" I was paralyzed with feelings of desire and longing. Lying there on top of Jasper, we just gazed at each other. I was fascinated by him. The way his hair fell in his face, the lazy smile on his lips, and most of all the mesmerizing scars along his jaw and neck. I couldn't help myself as I reached out and traced one just beside his Adam's apple. He swallowed slowly and brought me back to our current position: myself straddling his form lying on his back on the forest floor. "That was wonderful, Bella." I wasn't sure if he meant my hunting skills or my touching, but I was still too lost to care. "Don't. Move." If I had been human in this exact moment I would have probably passed out from lack of oxygen. As Jasper languidly slid up on his elbows, bringing our faces closer, he placed a tenacious, open mouthed kiss on the side of my lips, his tongue darting out to lap at my face. Once again desire and want flooded my senses. "So good_." I think Jasper just purred_.

"Jazz, what's going on? What are you doing?" As my lips moved it only encouraged him more. This time feelings of lust, yearning, and need poured over me like rain. I couldn't stop myself again_. This is getting ridiculous_. I put my hands on his chest and encouraged him to lie back down. In one journeying maneuver my lips were on his, my hands in his hair and my tongue asking for entrance. As he opened his mouth for me his hands were promptly on my thighs. As the kiss deepened his hands lazily made their way up to my face. Our tongues clashed and sparks flew. It was like I blew a fuse. _Holy shit. Is it possible for vampires to blackout? _

Almost as quickly as the kiss started it ended. Jasper pushed my face away from his and I was overtaken by feelings of affliction and grief_. He's still projecting his emotions_. "Jasper, I'm sorry. I didn't know what came over me; I couldn't stop and then you were projecting and I was distracted by your scars and you looked so dazzling, you were so tempting. Oh my gawd, I just said all that out loud." All I got was a shit eating grin and a booming laugh that bounced around off the trees."What! It's not my fault you were throwing lust around like it was free money!"

"It is your fault," He said. "And there is no such thing as 'free' money, Bella." All I could do was stare blankly at him_. This is not funny Whitlock_. I also realized in that instant that I was still sprawled on top of him, but I chose not to move just so I could prove my point_. And to find out if he felt that spark too_. Adding to my shock, the answer to my question was quickly located between Jasper's legs and my thighs. "Well, even if you didn't make a move I would have anyway. I could smell the blood on your breath. For your first hunt you kept pretty clean, other than the sample of cougar blood running down the side of your mouth I'm impressed. I could also taste the blood on your tongue; I wasn't just going to let that tasty red stuff drip on your nice white shirt." We both looked down at my shirt where my chest was practically in Jasper's face.

"Jasper, do, I mean, did you feel that?" Hoping he didn't catch the double meaning in my words, because if he couldn't feel _that, _then there was a major problem.

He looked down, _again with the chest in face thing, _mortified. "Yes and yes...I'm sorry too. Watching you hunt was so, I don't even know. It was seductive; very thought provoking." If it were possible for vampires to blush we both would have in that moment. "I've never felt like that, ever. Never watching Alice hunt or any of the many newborns, have those feelings been evoked out of me." I could feel a little smirk tug at my lips. Of all the time I spent with Edward, alone in my room, on my bed, I never got a reaction like the one I got from Jasper. This thought made me smile even wider but confused the hell out of me. "Bella, look, don't feel troubled by this; any man in my position would have reacted the same way. Or at least been effected by it."

"That's the thing Jasper. Edward _never _reacted like that," I unconsciously pointed down towards Jasper's crotch. "He was 'always in control'." I said while making little air quotations. _Apparently I talk with my hands a lot too. _"It made me feel like I wasn't enough, like I could never do it for him. I know I'm just a teenager but feelings are feelings and he made me feel unwanted." Jasper just looked at me with a disturbed expression. _This conversation is taking a great turn. _

"Edward is an idiot." He spoke with such conviction that even if I hadn't known Edward I would have agreed with him. "Bella, in the few moments I knew you as a human you were worth it. Now, the moments I've had with you as a vampire are just as great. I mean we kind of got off to an odd start, but..." As Jasper was speaking I kept feeling odd changes in the air, like I could feel the weather changing. "You are beautiful, exhilerating, graceful and enticing. From the time you opened your vampire eyes I've never been so intoxicated by one being and I haven't even known you more than three hours. When you took off after that cougar I have never been more aware of someone. The way you move is alluring. I can't stop myself when I'm around you. The worst part about it is that I couldn't even begin to imagine how Edward was _never _effected by you because just having you hear right now I never want you to leave. No one has ever made me feel so at peace." I was overwhelmed at his proffesion of feelings. I couldn't form words. An epiphany hit me like a brick wall; from what I remember of Jasper's history he was twenty-something. Edward was only seventeen.

So, I did the stupidest thing imaginable: I reached out and took his face in my hands and clashed our lips together again. He went with it for a little while until I felt a wave of guilt and regret. He pushed back again. "I know I just heard all of that come out of your mouth right?"

"I'm sorry again. Bella, I know I just said that stuff too but, you need to know something," _It was like he read my mind._ "Edward never made you feel like a woman because he wasn't really a man himself yet. He never loved a woman before. He was seventeen, Bella, I was twenty when I was changed and I am still much older than he was. I'm almost a century and a half old, Edward had nothing on me." Jasper _was_ a man in every respect to the word. Sitting below me was someone who went to war, someone who lived a life, took chances. He also knew how to _be _a man, Edward was just a child. Edward had insecurities; Jasper just exudes his own brand confidence, I mean, I'm _still_ in his lap. "I hope you know what you're getting into with me, I'm not a walk in the park." _Oh yeah, he is all man. _"Also, I will _never _treat you like a child. We are all equals in this existence." He pushed my face from his again and in one fluid movement we were on our feet.

"Thank you." I had to look up to him now. _He is so tall. How the hell did Alice ever reach?_ "I mean for everything. I know we still have to discuss what happened before my change but, thank you for all the things you've done for me."

"Don't worry about that now, darlin', there are still things you need to understand. So don't get too comfortable, this could be pretty rough for you." His expression was peculiar. "You know how you said I was projecting earlier before the first kiss?"

I tried to hide my face in embarrassment, "Yeah, you were throwing desire and longing at me, I couldn't make myself move away from you. I just figured it had to do with my hunting skill." His eyes darkened as I continued, "Then when you licked me it was more desire with some want in there. When I asked why you just did that I was hit with lust, yearning, and need which caused me to engage the kiss. During, I felt something, it was almost like my brain short circuited. Then, when you broke the kiss there was grief and other things I could feel from you." I still couldn't look him in the eye. "When you started your little speech I felt every emotion you were describing. And just a minute ago you felt guilt and regret. Why is any of this relevant? And more importantly why did I just explain all of that to you in detail?" I finally met his eyes.

"You're an empath." Again, I had no words.

"Are you sure? Why would I be an empath? That doesn't make sense." I was confused.

"Bella, not once did I project anything on you. You specifically told me I wasn't allowed to emote on you, remember?"

"Yes."

Before I could prolong the argument he cut me off in a lighthearted voice, "Can I go and hunt now or are you gonna try an' kiss me again_._"_ Smart ass._

"Yes."

"Yes to what? The hunting or the kissing?" I knew he was joking and so was I_. At least I think I was joking_. Jasper was going to hunt now, and I was going to get to watch. This made my playful side shatter a little bit. "Bella?"

"Let's just go hunt more." And with that he took off. Leaving me in his dust.

All alone.

* * *

_Dun dun Dah!  
Yeah, I know. I'm mean. The next chapter should be a nice juicy one for ya'll.  
The plot thickens...  
[Jazz]_


	6. Temper

_I'm back! Apologies for the wait but I assure you it was well worth it! This is big chapter for our two favorite characters. As always owns everything, I only reserve the right to hack it all up. Without further ado..._

_ONWARD!_

_

* * *

_

BPOV

_Jasper! Where the hell did you go? _I can't believe he just left me here. _I am not cut out for this **crap**. _He didn't even tell me how to track! My basic survival skills kicked in; I wasn't sure if they were from my human knowledge or my new vampirism, but one half of my brain was saying, 'Follow him!' Where the other was saying, 'Don't move. Stay put.' _This is ridiculous._

I was starting to panic. What if he kept going? What if he didn't look back; I was going to miss him hunting! _Why the hell is that the only thing I'm worried about?_ _OK, Bella calm down and concentrate._ I remembered what Jasper had told me earlier; to let my instincts guide me, it's all in my nature. Closing my eyes, I let my hearing flow out around me, catching every rustle, scurry and thump of the forest. Zeroing in on the faintest whooshing footfalls that could have been a running vampire, I could hear more than one of the same sounds. Then suddenly voices flowed on the wind.

I took off again, following the voices. I involuntarily breathed in through my nose taking in the scent lingering on the air. It was clearly Jasper. Picking up speed the scent grew stronger, momentarily clouding my mind with memories of my lips against his. Savouring the spicy aura of old leather, rosemary and lemon I took another deep breath. The voices were louder now, the whooshing gone. Too impatient to stop and listen I ran into the situation blind.

"Bella, how did you find us?" Whipping around Jasper relaxed his stance that had become crouched during my approach. There was another man and woman standing just beyond a fallen tree.

_That's a stupid question. _"What do I look like a moron to you? I just did what you told me to do as if I was hunting. Considering that you took off on me, you have no reason to be so uncouth." The sharpness in my tone slid across his features like a knife through butter. I could feel the hurt flicker behind his eyes. He opened and closed his mouth a few times as if to say something but nothing came out. Then I remembered the other two onlookers who had amusement written all over their faces.

"Bella, it's finally nice to meet cha'. Charlotte and I have heard a lot about you, in fact, the last we heard you were human? Jasper had been talkin' very highly of you then when you were with Edward. I'm very sorry for both your losses. It is nice to see you join the ranks of the perpetually undead, as sad as that may be for your remaining family."

"Peter, _shut up_." Jasper hissed his words. "Bella..."

"What the hell is he talking about? Better yet who the hell is he?" I remembered from Jasper's tale that he had made friends with a nomadic couple that helped him escape Maria but why would they choose now to show up on Cullen territory? "Answers people, I need answers Jasper. You may be having a little reunion here but I still want to know what happened to Edward and how I ended up like this." I was royally peeved.

"Please, let me explain them before moving on." He gestured behind him to the tall figure who could have been Jasper's cousin and the slight woman standing at his side. "This is Peter and Charlotte. Do you remember me tellin' you about them?" All I could muster was a nod. "I called them here when you began the transformation. Peter can help us right now, his gift, it can help you." Now we were getting somewhere. I looked on at Jasper encouraging him to go on, not trusting my voice. "He can establish if you have a gift, what it is, and how to control it and its effect on others. Do you have any ideas yet?" Jasper turned to Peter.

"Yes, answerin' your earlier question she does have empathetic abilities," Peter turned away from Jasper to look at me. "But, there's more. She can't manipulate like you can; more along the lines of influence the outcome by changin' the emotions. It only works through touch. She may be able to feel the emotions right now, but she couldn't make me like her from that far away. Say if we were to shake hands she could influence my feelin' towards her. Make me choose to like or dislike her, fall in love or have extreme hatred. She could also change my mind on you or Charlotte, but that would be pushin' it. Maybe in four hundred years, sweetheart." Peter looked at both Jasper and I; my face reflecting his.

"Wow." We both said it at the same time. "So that's why you thought I was projectin'." His words hit me like a brick wall. Did that mean everything that just happened between Jasper and I was fake? That _I _made him feel that way towards me? Better yet why was I feeling this way to begin with? _I loved Edward, Jasper loves Alice._

"Bella!" I was faster than them, I had a head start and I had no idea where I was going. They were following me. I knew they would catch up eventually; Jasper was worried and so were the other two. This was all too much. _Could a vampire blackout? 'Cause I don't think I can handle all this._

I stopped dead in my tracks, almost expecting them to run into me from behind. It would have been comic in any other situation. I then sat down on the ground not caring if I got mud on my jeans. Thinking of jeans reminded me of Alice; _she wouldn't have dressed me in jeans._ Where was she? If there was any time that I needed her more it would be now. "Where are you Alice? I need my best friend. I don't have anyone else right now. What am I going to do?" Saying it out loud didn't make me feel any better. His voice startled me when he spoke.

"You aren't alone, Bella." I felt sadness then. It was almost overwhelming; as I waited for the tears that would never fall again, Jasper moved in front of me on his knees in the dirt. "She left, Bella. Alice ran the day of the fight; no one has had any contact with her. I miss her too." He bowed his head as his shoulders shook with silent sobs. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe that Alice would just take off and I also had a hard time dealing with the fact that Jasper was breaking down in front of me. I always saw him as the calm, chill warrior that he was; to see him fall apart at my feet unhinged me.

Through the sadness, anger erupted in my chest. "Why would she do that?" My volume was rising, "Why would she think that leaving would be the right thing to do? Did she not think about you?" He looked up at me through his hair with a dejected look on his face. "Jasper, was everything okay with you two? I don't mean to pry but, you both always seemed so far away from each other even when you were right beside her." Scrubbing his face with his hands he took a few deep unneeded breaths.

"It has to do with the big picture, Bella; I want to tell you the whole story. Not just parts of it. Can we get out of the dirt? It may take awhile to get it all out."

With that, Jasper grabbed my hand and started running. I surreptitiously tried to pull my hand from his; _I don't need to go and influence him now._ Feeling my reluctant pulls he slowed to a stop and turned to me. "Look, I don't know exactly what you are worried about right now, but Bella, think about it this way: I am an empath, you have similar abilities, and I would know if you were trying to influence me in any way." He was staring me straight in the eyes, holding my gaze so I couldn't look away.

"How can you know for sure? I have no way of...knowing...so everything you said... What about-" He stopped my flow of words with a gentle finger over my lips.

"I told you, everythin' will make sense when you know the whole story. Bella, can you trust me enough to unravel this for you? Let the chips fall where they may?"

"Let the chips fall. I trust you Jasper, I always have." Looking up into his eyes, those familiar black-gold eyes, I almost lost it. As I spoke I turned away from him. "I'm asking you to do _this_ right now because I don't want to _feel_ thisright now, but can you calm me down?" I could feel panic radiating off of him, adding to my already swimming emotions. As he gripped my shoulders I could almost hear the calming waves rush over me. Wordlessly he asked what my problem was. "Thank you." I couldn't chance looking up at him again. "I'm alright now." He still wouldn't let go of me and I couldn't bring myself to tell him that it was indirectly his fault.

He turned away from me and started walking, beckoning me to follow. "I'm not sure what just happened with you but, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and let it slide because I can tell you don't _want _to tell me." _Thank you, baby Jesus. _The last thing I need is for Jasper to have that on his shoulders too. "And I also think that it will be revealed anyway. So..." If there wasn't already an air of awkwardness from the kiss earlier, it held at an all time peek for the next thirty seconds. "...yeah. Shall we?" He quirked an eyebrow and nodded in the direction of our destination. _Man, that's sexy. _Before he had a chance to go anywhere he lifted both eyebrows at me and turned with a quiet grin. _Shit! _He held his hand out for me this time, giving me the option to take it or not. I chose to take it.

* * *

Familiar scents breezed by as we traveled. I quickly realized that we were headed back towards the house. We hadn't crossed the river yet when he stopped me at a quaint little flower garden with a cast iron table and chairs set up under the canopy of tall trees, creating a protected grove. "Esme." It wasn't really a question, more like a statement.

In a quiet voice he responded with the reason for the outdoor space. "Yeah, we're near the house now; it's far enough away that we can't be heard by anyone. Everyone has used it at least once; it comes in handy when you want to be alone with your thoughts," the corners of his lips turned up just slightly. "Or someone else."

I was statue still. My absence of movement caught his attention. It took Jasper exactly five point two seconds to grasp what he just said.

"Why...Holy shit! _Fuck._ I didn't mean it like that Bella! I'm such an _idiot._ It just came out; there was never any intention...I didn't mean to offend...he never crossed those lines, always tried to block us as best he could." This time I cut him off.

Holding one hand up; palm facing the vampire who has been reduced to a stuttering heap, I try to hold in the snickering that threatened to escape. "Stop!" _Chuckle. _"Jas...per, you are such...a..._dork!_" I was doubled over trying to silence my laughter. When I stood up the alarm present on his face sobered me enough to tell him why I was laughing. "You...you guys have your very own...kissing corner! Holy crap, I can't believe it! You said _fuck! _And _you_ brought _me_ out here." Jasper still hadn't changed his expression, and his mouth was now hanging open. With one finger I reached towards him, "Close your mouth, you'll catch flies." That did the trick. A small smile crept onto his features, and then slowly fell again. _Bella: 0, Awkward: 5. _

The awkward slowly vanished as the ever present sadness settled between us again. "Come to think about it, Alice and I never came out here." He absently played with the zipper on his sweater. "But that's not what I thought you were reacting to. I thought when I said about being alone with your thoughts that you were thinking of Edward being in our heads. And I'm allowed to swear, it's not like a crime or anythin'." Just like that, the mention of _his _name stops the unnatural need for me to intake breath. Jasper tried to cover it up with a joke of sorts but it didn't help much. _Well, maybe a little. _I felt the anger inside of me flare up at Jasper again. Reminding myself that it may have been his fault that I was now like him, it wasn't directly his fault for Edward's death. _Yeah, keep telling yourself that. _

"Enough," saying it to myself and Jasper, I tried to gather any scattered thoughts. Which was much harder now, my mind seemed endless. "If we both keep stalling we'll be hear for a year." I decided for myself that I would no longer follow Jasper's lead, and do this for myself; for closure. Sure, I had only been a new vampire for less than six hours but the distraction count was growing. First was my near panic attack about hunting, then sucking face with Jasper, thirdly he ran away from me, then I met Peter and Charlotte, and then _I _ran away. Steeling myself, I turned and sat down in one of the chairs, hoping Jasper would do the same. "Okay, start from the beginning, please, I'm all ears."

As he took his seat, I noticed him reinforcing his own walls. "I will start from the top but, promise me that you will try your hardest not to interrupt." Choosing to nod, not trusting my voice yet, he started the epic narrative that would change us both.

* * *

"When Alice found me in that diner I didn't know what to think at first. Her visions scared me, but I knew I could trust her; I just felt it. Years before we met you, you would have been a young girl; Alice started havin' visions of someone. In the beginnin', they were always blurry; always just out of her grasp. As time went by, things in the visions became clearer: the surroundin's, the weather, and me." I gasped as the reality of what that could have meant played different scenarios in my head. "So, as I got clearer in her visions the other person stayed as a vague outline and silhouette of a girl. This frustrated Alice to no end because she could see enough of the outline, enough colour through the blur that the girl was taller, and she had lighter, longer hair; definitely not Alice." My thoughts were all over the board. _Holy Mother of God, could she have seen me? _"Do you need a minute Bella, I could stop and give you some time to process." That was the last thing I needed.

"NO! Keep going, I need to hear where this actually goes so I don't come to the wrong conclusions too quickly. Please, continue." Calming myself was what I should have been doing, freaking out was what was really happening.

"Easy Bella, I think you have the right idea. Don't rush ahead though. Over the next two years the illusions of this person kept showing up at the same times, same dates, and some were even triggered by the same people. Alice's vision was always myself and the mystery person; we would be walkin' or runnin' and laughin', holdin' hands. I think that's what bothered her the most; having to see me that way with someone else. Anyway, this is where you start to come in, the first day you showed up at school Alice was supposed to have one of the recurring visions. She didn't. Instead, the dates changed; instead of your birthday, your first day of school and the day we voted on your future they came on the day Edward brought you to the house, and the day he left. The one date neither of us could put a label on was three days ago. In hindsight, we understand the meanings of those dates now, but we couldn't have known those dates would be changing factors in our lives."

There were some things that made absolute sense and others were as clear as swamp water. "Okay, so what you are saying is that Alice really did see me coming, she was just looking in the wrong spot. Edward would trigger the visions on my birthday and because he was in my biology class on my first day." I was getting lost in my own thoughts trying to put things together. "I don't get it though..."

"You are still missin' a big chunk; maybe if I carry on things will get clearer for you. Try and stay focused on the bigger picture. After we met you and got to know you a little better, Alice started seeing you in her visions more. You were always clear as day so Alice assumed that it wasn't you in her other visions. At least that's what she told me. Then your birthday happened. I hated myself so much for reacting, that when Edward told us he wanted us all to leave with him I didn't even protest or make a fuss. I regret not fighting to stay. I regret what I did that day."

He couldn't look me in the eyes. His face was downcast; hiding behind his golden hair that fell just below his eyes. Before I could say anything to reassure him that I didn't hold him responsible for what happened he rushed on into his story. "After we came back and everythin' was relatively the same Alice started to become distant, mostly from me; spendin' more time with you or Rose. When we would talk she was always resentful towards me, whether she realized it or not. I always chalked it up the other stuff going on: the imminent attack from Victoria, keepin' an eye on the Volturi, and just everything that was stressin' her. In the many years we had been together Alice had never really kept a secret from me, never _really_ pushed me away to keep me out. The days leadin' up to the attack she spoke to me only when she needed to. She allowed me to take over for her, doin' everythin' to prepare everyone." He looked up, straight into my eyes, "That scared me the most."

I had the sudden urge to hold him, and to bitch it out on Alice for neglecting Jasper. I still don't understand how her visions of this random person fit in with it all. Still angry, I butt in right as Jasper was about to speak, "That wasn't fair to you. Why would she cut you out like that? If she was having an issue you could have helped her, made her feel better instead of pulling away from you." My voice was getting louder. "I mean, you both were going off into _battle_ for Christ's sake! Did she even let you hug her for safety before everyone left? Gawd, what an ass!" My words just spilled out like vomit; making a mess.

"You have no idea what you are talkin' about!" His outburst caught me off guard. The depth of his accent came out _very _clearly. "You really have no idea what I'm tryin' to tell you, do you?" he was on his feet and towering over my seated position. "Bella, I was tryin' to tell you this slowly, so it could sink in, but you really don't get it?" The question was answered by my silence. "Bella! That _was_ you in all of her visions! The night before we left, Alice came to me sobbin' because her vision cleared! She just started talkin' through her cries, it was almost impossible to understand her at first. She told me the reasons she was distant, why she hadn't even looked at me in a week, and why she didn't...love me the same." My face whipped around to find his instantly. I was blank. As we stared at each other he said the words that I didn't want, but needed to hear. They didn't warm me as they should have. In a flat voice he delivered them, "Alice had really been seein' us clearly together for a month. She was convinced from a long time ago that it was always you she had seen; the dates are proof of that. It wasn't really a shock to me that it was you, but we couldn't figure it out. How I would end up with you. How Edward...would just give you up." Instead of stopping to let me think he just blew through the rest of the story with a pained expression. "Before we knew it, Alice and I had to leave for the battle; and yes, Bella, she did let me say goodbye to her. Alice and I will always love each other in some way, _always_. The only part that bugged me the most was that I didn't feel guilty for saying goodbye. The remorse that I should have been feelin' wasn't there. Alice felt the same. We both ended it on good terms that both of us understood, that both of us could live with.

The kicker was that at the time we didn't _know_ it was our end. We left for the battle as a couple, fully expectin' to come back after it and try to work through what was really goin' on." If I could have shed tears, my shirt would have been soaked. "The fight started off just as we had suspected, the newborns were ravenous and dimwitted. I was keepin' check on everyone, Alice, Esme, Carlisle, and Emmett in our clearin' and you and Edward in yours. I have to ask you this before I go on: Bella, are you starting to remember anything from before?"

His question was simple enough, but I couldn't make my voice work because I _was _remembering things. Only flashes as he mentioned little bits here and there, but it was enough. I slowly nodded. Closing my eyes was the worst thing I could have done but I found it almost impossible to open them. He took both my hands in my lap and I noticed that his were trembling a bit. "Okay, I'll try to say this gently. I'm goin' to assume that from where you were sittin' when I got to the cliff that you watched all of it. Did you watch Victoria kill Edward?" Suddenly I didn't want to hear anymore. But I knew I had to. So I nodded again. "I'm sorry Bella, we couldn't save him. Victoria severed his spine twice. It was a futile recovery. I'm so, so sorry." Feeling my desperation, Jasper brought my hands around his neck and held me, just rocking gently until I calmed enough to hear what else needed to be said.

"Sometime from when I left the clearin' and when everyone else showed up by the rocks, Alice had slipped away. No one knows where she is, and she hasn't tried to contact anyone. We didn't find her anywhere so she is definitely alive, but where, I have no idea. I also have no idea why."

There was an infinitely long pause and I wasn't sure if he was waiting for me to say something. My mind was reeling with memories and mental images of Jasper fighting and Alice silently running away. As if a light bulb was turned on in the back of my mind understanding grabbed hold of me. "_Of course! _That's why she would have run! You said that she was seeing us clearly in her visions, so when I decided on how I was going to distract Victoria she would have seen me holding your hand and kissing your cheek! It would have been in real time too because she had just been fighting beside you. She would have seen your torn shoulder and the clothes that she packed for me. Hell, she could have seen it all. If she had seen Victoria decide to take Edward's head off she could have already been on her way." Jasper looked startled. He didn't say anything.

From his body language I thought he was going to freak again and defend Alice. He tensed to an almost statue-like state. I realized that we weren't alone anymore. From in between the trees a dark figure materialized.

"Hello Bella, Jasper."

* * *

_Well, that's all folks! I hope that taking so long with this chapter and the evil cliffie isn't too much for you all to handle. I'm sure you all can! So, it was a really long one, there was a lot of information given and who could it possibly be hinding in the bushes? Laurent coming back? A missed newborn? Or could it be someone else? Cookies for whoever figures it out! _  
_Until next time..._  
_[Jazz]_


	7. Motives

_Yes it's been awhile...forgive me. I had started the next few chapters and thought they were pretty good, but then I came back to them later and decided that I had taken this story in a wrong direction. So, I tried my best to make sense of everything. I'm actually very happy with this new plot. I hope you all are too.  
S.M. owns everything, I just reserve the right to mess it up..._

_ONWARD!_

* * *

BPOV

I couldn't help it. I lunged at her. We pitched backwards, rolling over top of each other until two small feet planted on my stomach and pushed. I was in a crouch before my feet could touch the ground and I was diving through the air again before she could get up at all. I was suddenly on top of the small frame, pinning down her arms and holding her with my weight.

"Alice! Where were you? How dare you show your face now, after what happened to me! I _needed_ you..." I was shouting down at her from my crouch on her chest; she wasn't fighting back. Through my screeching I could here sobbing as well. I didn't realize it was me until Jasper's arms were around my middle and lifting me off of Alice.

I didn't fight back. I knew I was supposed to; my newborn instincts were there one moment and gone the next. And in the moments when they were gone, my gift stepped in to carry on.

Sadness. All around me was grief, anguish, sorrow and mourning. I knew it couldn't all be from Jasper, so when he set me on my feet I turned to Alice and I hugged her.

She was surprised at first. Slowly, she wrapped her arms around me and hugged me back so fiercely, had I still been human I surely would have been shattered. In that moment I forgot that Jasper was somewhere close watching, I forgot that she had run away when I needed her, I also forgot my anger for how she treated Jasper over the last few months. Before I got the chance to pull away and confront her, Alice beat me to it.

"I know you think I'm to blame for all of this, but I'm not. Yes, I did leave, but it had to be done. My staying through your change would have only created more problems for the family."

Hearing her voice for the first time as a human was something difficult to describe; hearing her voice _now_ was near impossible. It was so much richer than I could ever remember. And the relief it brought me just to hear it again. But the relief couldn't shadow the anger that was slowly rebuilding inside me.

"Bella, look at you, you're beautiful. You couldn't have turned out better." There was something in her voice that wasn't right. She sounded happy enough to see me, but that sadness kept pushing through to the surface.

"There is just one thing though," The thought banged around in my head a few times before lancing itself through my undead heart.

"What? You were beautiful before your change too, I didn't mean to offend you." I could see Alice's eyes twitch over my shoulder to look at Jasper.

I suddenly remembered his presence behind me and regretted bringing it up at all. But Alice would just keep asking. "My only flaw," I looked Alice in the eyes, "Is who's venom is running through my veins."

I could feel her shock against my front and Jasper's pity against my back. I whipped around and glared so hard at him that he stepped back. "I wanted to be in this world so bad. I wanted to be a part of Edward's world. I only took what was offered at face value. I know I said I understood the consequences of living this way, but really, I had no idea what it meant to be like him. I wanted it so badly, that I would have accepted anyone's venom; anyone's bite. But now, now that I have _Victoria's venom _where Edward's should be, I don't want it. Any of it." I turned and walked up the hill and back to the table where I sat down and put my face in my hands. I expected Alice to follow me and try to talk more but she didn't.

* * *

You know those times when you've just heard sad news like your dog is sick, your best friend is moving away for college or someone you know has died? Or maybe when you were so bored that all you could do was stare off into space at a ceiling or a wall, seeing nothing and not really thinking anything either? So, when you finally snap out of it you didn't really notice that half an hour of your life was just wasted staring at a wall. As a human this was easy, as a vampire, it was even easier.

I just shut down. The reality of what had really happened came crashing down. All I could do was stare at the wall. My first instinct was to count the time I had been sitting there, but I soon learned that if I focused on a certain texture the time just slipped past me.

As I started to float back to the present my surroundings were what snapped me out of it. It had darkened considerably, and the light that filtered through the trees was much lower.

The sun was setting.

My first day as a new vampire was coming to an end.

"It's twilight." I spoke out loud not expecting anyone to be there to hear me, but when Jasper spoke I didn't jump or flinch like I should have.

"It was his favourite time to go hunting."Jasper sounded tired.

"He's really gone, isn't he?" Once again the wetness I waited for to leak from my eyes didn't come.

"Yes, I'm afraid he is." Jasper _looked_ tired. He _felt_ tired too. It irked me to see how broken he looked just sitting there. So, I tried to get an idea of what he was really feeling. Not really knowing what to do, I closed my eyes and just waited. I didn't expect anything to happen right away but, just as I had felt it before, the emotions seemed to drift on the wind: loneliness, confliction, anger and brokenness, if that was even an emotion. There were so many unnameable things floating off this one singular person I had to stop. It was overwhelming.

"How do you do it?"

Jasper turned and looked at me with a smirk that vanished so quick I wouldn't have caught it if I was the old Bella.

"How do I do what?"

"Emotions. There are so many feelings that seem to be amplified inside me simply because I'm thinking about them. How can you stand it?" The small smirk came back as he spoke.

"I'm rubber and you're glue. What bounces off me, sticks to you."

I may have blankly stared for fifteen seconds before he continued, "I shut off the absorbing part. So the emotions just bounce away. It's something I've learned over time, but you seem to have already been doing it. You just didn't notice. Bella, don't try and get ahead of yourself. Take everything one step at a time and if it takes twice as long to get there, you'll have twice as much experience behind you."

He didn't say anything else after that. Other than when he had told me about his life in the south, I had never heard Jasper speek so much as he had today. I guess he was all talked out.

Sitting there silently, I made my brain work at remembering my parents. I was so desperate for someone to hold me that all I could think of was Renee. Even her too tight squeezes would help me feel better. Hell, even a too short, one armed, half hug from Charlie would do the trick. My desperation must have been worse than I thought. When I looked back over to where Jasper was sitting, the seat was empty.

I may have panicked a little.

Until I felt his hands.

They covered my shoulders and squeezed a little. Once again, my instinct should have told me to fight, but I was still reacting with my emotions. As if on que, I felt his own desperation and need wash through me.

His hands, oh, his hands. They were bigger than I remembered and much warmer than before when we were in the woods kissing. It was such a difference, being the same body temperature. Not knowing what he intended on doing I reached up and covered his hands with my own. I could feel him hesitate for just a moment, but he pulled me up to my feet anyway.

Jasper slowly, much to slow for a vampire, took our hands and placed them behind his back; my arms around his waist. When he pulled his own hands out of mine I realized what was happening. Before he reached behind me, he asked if this was okay and all I could do was nod and bury my face in his chest. It took Jasper seven and a half seconds to close the hug, but he did and it felt so good to be held again.

Something in the back of my mind whispered that maybe it felt a little _too_ good.

As soon as he felt the shift from comfort to resistance, Jasper released me and looked straight into my eyes.

"Bella, everyone is waiting for us. We haven't burned Edward yet, we thought you would want to be there. The pyre is set up in the baseball field."

I fixed my gaze on Jasper's neck. There were two scars that seemed to overlap each other in the shape of a crude looking heart.

"I know it's going to be hard, especially because you are an empath, but try and block it if you can, don't think about the emotions of the others. We've all had three days to deal with this; this isgoing to be the first and last time you see him. Everything you witness from here on out will be perfectly engrained in your memory. I'm so sorry you have to remember this; that this is one of your first memories. He wouldn't want you to see him at all, but you need closure. I'm just going to warn you though, he is whole but, the damage was too great. His venom couldn't completely heal..."

I had to turn away. Anger was boiling up inside me and I didn't understand why.

Then I remembered.

"No." I fell to my knees and screamed. It was a blood curdling, glass shattering, eardrum popping shriek.

Jasper must have thought I was reacting to what he said about Edward; partly I was, but it was the anger I felt. It needed to be released and that was how it came out. Jasper was kneeling beside me trying to look at my face, but I couldn't look at him. It wasn't the eyes this time, no, it was just Jasper.

"Get away from me." He was confused, so when he tried to speak I cut him off before I heard any more lies. In this situation if I had been the old Bella, I would have blamed what happened to Edward on myself. The new Bella is blaming it on Jasper.

"You." I pushed him backwards with my words. "It's your fault. I wouldn't be here like _this_ if it weren't for you. _Edward_ would still be alive if weren't for _you!_ I forgave you once and what good did that do for me? All that accomplished was giving you another chance to _ruin our lives!_" My screaming was attracting the family. I could see Emmett and Rose. I could hear Alice trying to talk over me and get me to stop but I couldn't. Maybe if I had looked at Esme a little sooner I would have seen and felt the disappointment my words caused her.

"What were you going to do? Alice's visions give away any hints about how I would react when you told me that _I_ was supposed to be _your_ mate? That Edward was just a means to an end for you and me? How would he have taken it Jasper? Or maybe this whole battle was your plan from the start: get rid of Edward in a one on one fight with the mad vampire Victoria, turn Bella into a vampire, make wife suddenly disappear and be the one to put Bella back together again in hopes that she forgets about Edward and falls for the white knight instead!"

Jasper was just standing there. Taking the hits.

"You know, you're really good at the blank stare look. How do I know? Because that's what you did when I was trying to get Victoria to leave us alone. How could you just shut down in a moment like that? I needed you to help me and you didn't, another reason why everything is your fault!"

I was still furious and couldn't seem to stop my words even if I tried. And Jasper was as silent as ever.

"Tell me Jasper, did you even plan on waiting until after I said goodbye to Edward? Oh, wait you didn't..."

"Please, stop."

Jasper's whispered words put a crack in my fury, but they couldn't stop the hurt I was causing.

"Is that why you wanted to take me for my first hunt? Catch me when I'm vulnerable."

"Bella, you need to stop, please. All you're doing is hurting yourself and the people you love. I know you can't see through the anger but please try." Jasper was pleading with me. He wanted to calm me down so bad. I looked over at Esme and Carlisle, Rose and Emmett, at Alice and finally at Jasper.

"Do they even know?"

"Yes, we do." It was Carlisle that spoke up much to my surprise.

* * *

_Well kids, that's it. I hope I didn't keep everyone waiting too long. But through that wait I got ahead of myself so I'll post the next chapter after I finish the one in progress! _

_[Jazz]_


	8. Unhappy Endings

_One word: Finally.  
I own nothing. All belongs to SM, I just reserve the right to mess up her characters._

_ONWARD!_

* * *

BPOV

The next person to speak was Rose, "Bella, we all loved Edward, but what he felt for you wasn't love, it was something very dark and disturbing. You were his singer; he used that as an excuse for love."

Alice glared at her sister and tried to counter Rose's statement, "He may not have always done the right things, but they had the right intentions. Don't make him the bad guy here."

Esme was silent up until now, "Alice is right, he was a son and brother to us all. He loved you Bella, whether it was the right love or the wrong love."

"Enough."

I looked at Jasper as he silenced the family and wished that I felt more like a raging newborn. His emotions were raw and straight to the point, shredding the anger inside of me.

As I was looking at him, he was studying the family.

"She needs to know, now. Edward isn't here anymore; he did what he did for his own reasons and none of us will ever know them." Jasper turned to me, "Bella, I promised that I would always be honest with you. I'm going to stay true to that promise whether everyone else agrees or not." He turned back to them, waiting for someone to protest against him.

I suddenly had a very bad feeling in my gut; whatever I was about to hear would be a significant turning point for my future as a Cullen.

"Jasper, I appreciate that, but right now all I want is..."

"Damn it, Bella! You're smarter than this! Haven't you figured it out yet? When Carlisle said that we all knew, he meant we _all knew_." Alice rushed over to stand in front of me. "_Edward knew._"

Boom.

That was all it took for my world to come crashing down around me. Again.

I turned and headed for the trees. I needed to be alone; I needed to scream. As I was leaving I heard bits of the leftover conversation, 'Way to go.' and 'Now you've done it.'. But I also heard someone following me. _I guess the newborn can't be left alone._

I hoped it wasn't Jasper.

It was Jasper.

I could tell it was him because I could _feel _him. Maybe it was because he was being rubber and trying to deflect all the emotions. _Or maybe it's because you feel connected. Maybe you're just a supersonic vampire now, Bella. _

"Was it all an act then? You and Alice, me and Edward?" I was whispering to myself but I knew he could hear me. Suddenly being a vampire wasn't so bad, I could be a coward and still have this conversation. "Was that why he never let me spend any time with you?"

Silence.

"Is that why Edward was such a control freak?"

"Bella,"

"Yes?"

"Stop talking."

"Why? So you can tell me more lies? No, I will not give into this, this play we've all been living in! Not only was Edward lying to me the whole time, so was everyone else. You included. You most of all."

I hadn't turned to look at him for fear of what I would see, what I would start to see if I believed everything they were telling me. Was I really meant to be with Jasper? Was that why I kissed him earlier? Could that have been why he felt guilty? Not because he was being unfaithful to Alice, but because I didn't know the whole truth.

I turned and faced him, swallowing my fears and insecurities, telling myself I'll ask the bigger questions later. "Okay, I'll listen. But I want to get something straight first."

Jasper pondered my condition for eight seconds before replying, "Anything you want to know."

"All the things that happened when we went hunting: the kiss, your _reaction_, your words, were they all true? I mean, I didn't 'make' any of that happen?"

"No, darlin', I meant every word I said right down to the part where Edward was an idiot. The only part you had in it was giving me a reason to say it." I noticed Jasper had moved a few steps closer.

"And the stuff about Alice, about you missing her, was that just an act? Look, Jasper I'm really trying to understand here, but it's hard to tell what's what from where I'm standing."

"Yes, it is difficult and I'm sorry for that." He paused and looked at me with a funny expression, "Alice and I, long story short, yes we were together in the beginning. After a long time of struggling as a couple we decided we should just be friends. We've been over for years. But she is my best friend and I did miss her. She always had the answers for me."

Silence fell between us. A sort of staring match had begun. I couldn't decide whether I liked what I was hearing. On one hand I was starting with a clean slate in this life; who knows what could happen. On the other hand I still felt like somehow I was betraying Edward; I did love him and whether his love for me was real or not, I couldn't just pretend like nothing happened between us. The one detail that was sticking in my thoughts was how Jasper already seemed to have feelings for the situation.

"I will start out with one thing though," He waited for my nod, "When I was telling you about everything earlier I did blur some details because we weren't planning on telling you that we all knew until after we dealt with Edward..."

"I don't care about that now, as long as I understand what's going on I think I should be able to figure it out." The suspense was killing me. If Jasper didn't tell me what really happened, I was going to run back to the house and go straight to Alice and Rose. "Please, can you just get on with it?"

Jasper's lips twitched and that funny look was back on his face but he replaced it with blankness as he began to speak again, "Okay, okay, I'll try and start from where we left off but there will be some overlap. So, Alice was seeing visions, you came into our world, Edward fell hard and instead of treating you like a person, he coveted you.

"Edward saw every one of Alice's visions. He hated me for it. That's why you and I never really got to know each other. Edward did everything in his power to keep me away from you so the visions wouldn't come true. The whole time Alice would confide in me about what she thought would happen; every time Edward changed his mind about how he would _protect_ you from me, his fate grew worse and worse.

"He knew deep down that if fate had her way, that you and I were together, there was no way that he would live to see the day. After your birthday when he made us leave, his plan was that if he couldn't have you then no one could. It kind of put everything into perspective for me.

"Up until I almost killed you, I had started toying with the idea of _you. _I would imagine us doing normal things together; I started to like the idea of you. At some point when we were away I realized that Alice was right. I felt drawn to you, Bella. I couldn't keep denying myself those thoughts anymore, but I knew how dangerous I was to you. Your party was proof of that.

"When Edward went off the deep end and went to the Volturi, Alice had been to see him. He saw me thinking about you through her. She later told me that he had considered just killing you so that I had no chance at all. She talked him out of that one and convinced him to come back and be with you because you _needed_ him."

Jasper's monologue was interesting. I realized that I had no idea at all who Edward really was and what he was capable of. That scared me. To think that I wanted to spend forever with him. I was so blinded by my feelings that I didn't see what was right in front of me. _More like _who_ was in front of you. _

"From then on I just kept my distance and waited for the inevitable to happen. That's when Victoria showed up. It became clearer and clearer what the outcome would be. So, Alice and I called a family meeting. We told everyone what I'm telling you now, only, Edward was pissed that we were doing it. It did make him look like the bad guy, but as Alice said earlier, his intentions were right however wrong he was."

"So, you don't even give a shit about the way he treated you? You just stood there and defended him and his actions towards me." I know I interrupted but, what he was saying was stupid.

"Yeah, actually I did give a shit about that," He glanced at me sideways and waited until he knew I wasn't going to say anything else. "Earlier I said to everyone that we would never know what Edward was thinking. I lied. Alice saw everything before the battle could even begin.

"Edward had finally come to terms that what he was doing to you was wrong. The guilt started to eat at him. That's why he could never be a man for you, he felt guilty for leading you on. He thought marriage was the easiest way to tie you to him. Alice told me that she saw Edward dead by Victoria's hand. The funny thing was she couldn't understand why Victoria got the upper hand. Think back to when you were in the clearing watching them fight. Alice explained to me that Edward saw the vision of what you said to Victoria, giving him reason to think that somehow we were already together."

"What a stupid ass! How could we have been together when I was with him almost twenty-four-seven? Did he really hate himself that much?" I could believe that it was something Edward would do; rashness was a trait of his, but I still couldn't get why he would just give up. I guess Jasper was right when he said that if by any chance we would be together Edward wouldn't live to see a day of it.

"Yes, he did. That's why everyone still cares for him. Bella, from all the stories I've heard through the family, Edward has always been a little messed up. I guess he never made it out of that phase...being seventeen and all." Jasper chuckled a little but, it didn't have any humour in it.

So, Edward was a moody century old teenager: understandable. His overprotective, 'keep-Bella-safe-at-all-costs' routine: understood. What still troubled me was the things I would never know because they would soon burn with the man I loved.

I could see the black and white side of things clearly now. What Edward did was _wrong, _but he had the _right_ motivation. He loved me, but he coveted me. I never would have had this perspective if I was still human, but would all of this come into the open if my heart still beat? I had so many questions to ask and no one to answer them. Obviously I could ask anyone in the family but, they wouldn't have the answers I needed.

There was one thing I could ask Jasper that he might be able to answer. I felt silly asking though.

"I don't care what you ask me, Bella, we've all made ourselves look stupid today because we weren't totally honest with you. So, just ask away, cause I know you will eventually." _Damn empath and his emotion skills!_

"Fine, if Victoria hadn't bitten me and I was still human, would you have told me? About what we were, are, supposed to be?"

Jasper closed his eyes as if in defeat. _I guess he wasn't expecting that one so soon._ As he opened them, he took a tentative step towards me. Then another and another, until he was standing in front of me. I couldn't understand the look on his face; it was so soft and filled with so much emotion, that it didn't seem to belong there. It was a face that few had seen. I could tell because as he took the mask off and showed his true self, he guarded the rest of himself a little more to make up for it.

"Yes."

Jasper looked me straight in the eyes and didn't waiver.

"Yes, I would have told you even if everyone else said no. I would have told you even if Carlisle wanted to leave you alone so you could move on. I would have told you even if Rose hated me for the rest of eternity. Bella, I would have bet _against_ Alice."

His emotions didn't move; they were rock solid. I just couldn't figure out what they were. Then he reached towards me and took my hands in his.

"Bella," Then it hit me.

It's funny how one word can change everything.

I started blinking away the non existent tears, I tried to shake the thoughts from my head, and I tried to pull away from Jasper. Of course he let go of my hands, but not willingly.

I didn't want this to happen yet. _Damn you Alice and your visions! _If fate had a plan for us then so be it. I didn't want Jasper to rush this because he had some idea of how the story ended. I wanted to make my own ending.

Before he could say anything else, I covered his mouth with my hand. He raised his eyebrows at me and waited. I slowly removed my hand. It was weird feeling his skin and his lips against my sensitive palm; his breath making my hand tingle.

"Okay, I think I know what you were about to say. Whatever it was, don't. Just don't." Jasper's mood dropped in an instant. "I'm guessing that-"

"Guessing what? Bella, why are you guessing? Can't you feel it?" after interrupting me, Jasper took hold of my biceps. "Can you close your eyes? Please." I closed my eyes and hoped whatever happened next wouldn't throw me for another loop. "Thank you, now open your senses and _feel_. You did it earlier, just try and do the same thing again."

It was odd, what happened next, I felt the change in the air like last time. Now, it felt more like waves. It felt like deep breathing as the feelings moved through me and it seemed to almost _pulse_ where his hands rested on my arms. It was that feeling from before; the feeling I couldn't describe. It matched Jasper's expression the second before I closed my eyes.

"Can you feel it, Bella?"

"Yes."

"Do you know what it is? Do you understand now?"

"No, I don't understand." I could feel my frustration growing.

I opened my eyes to see Jasper's looking back at me. He was silent for so long that I didn't think he was going to say anything. By this time I didn't think we would ever stop staring at each other. But he broke away first, giving his head a shake. I still didn't get it. Annoyed, I turned in the direction I came to head back to the house. At this point I had given up on waiting.

I took sixteen paces away from Jasper before I stopped dead in my tracks. A whisper on the breeze was all it took.

"Bella, I love you."

* * *

_Yay! More soon...leave some words...please!_

_Jazz  
_


	9. Time

_Cut the chit chat and right into the story, see you at the bottom... SM owns everything, I just reserve the right to mess up her characters._

_ONWARD!_

* * *

_He said it. He had to go and say it._

"Damn you, Jasper!"

I wished in that moment that I could un-hear it. I wished that I didn't have fancy vampire senses. I wished that Jasper's words didn't stir something inside me. I wished it didn't frighten me.

"What are you afraid of, Bella?" He didn't need to yell but he did.

I didn't need to yell but I did too, "What am I _afraid _of? Everything is new to me Jasper, I look different, I move different, I _see_ everything different. I don't know if I should listen to what my instincts are telling me or to do what my brain thinks is right; because right now, I'm torn between how a vampire sees you and how Bella sees you."

And I'm still in love with Edward.

"Jasper, I'm not even a day old yet. I have to relearn everything I've ever known; I have to learn how to live like this. I can feel where you want me to be right now and it's such a strong feeling but, Jasper, I fell to pieces when Edward _left_ me. I knew he was still existing somewhere out there, but now, he's dead. He is gone forever. There's no coming back from Italy and no rescue missions.

"I need time to move on, Jasper. I can't be who you want me to be right now. _I _don't even know who I am anymore. Edward had become such a big part of me that my own reasons for loving him became skewed. We were both wrong about loving each other because we weren't meant to be..."

And that's how I talked myself onto Jasper's team.

* * *

I was thirsty again. Just as I was about to say something, Jasper put a finger to his lips to silence me. He already knew.

As the breeze lifted my hair I could smell them. Elk. I realized then how much I let my guard down when I got emotional. Jasper had heard the elk before he smelled them; I sensed nothing until he pointed them out.

Jasper was silent as he motioned me to follow him. I didn't argue since the flames blistering my throat had suddenly made everything I was feeling snuff out and die.

But once again I couldn't focus just on the hunt; as Jasper stalked through the trees, moving fast and slow all at the same time, I noticed his broad yet fine build, the way his arms moved and flexed, and his most devastating feature of all: the scars on the back of his neck. The scars I knew he carried with him all the time; the scars I could imagine all over his body.

He only turned back to look once at me and the smirk he held there seemed out of place after the conversation we just had, but I guess the thrill of the hunt was all he needed.

In one graceful leap, he bounded onto a low branch, again motioning for me to follow. My accent wasn't as smooth, but if he noticed, didn't say anything. Jasper now spoke only with hand signals. I seemed to catch on really quick when he motioned to explain that the elk should be walking right by our hide out.

Of course, he was right.

Jasper went straight for the biggest male. I just jumped on whichever one I got my hands on first. It felt good to drink again. I could feel my frayed emotions settling down to a more manageable state. Jasper still hadn't said anything. I wasn't sure how to take his silence. Is he mad that I rejected him or is he thinking of ways to get me to want him? No, Jasper isn't like that. He's not like Edward.

And like every other realization I'd had that day this one took its time coming to the surface too. Jasper isn't like Edward. He didn't choose what was best for me to hear; he told me straight out whereas Edward would have brushed the details off as not important.

Jasper made me feel comfortable around him; Edward always made me feel like I was a child that constantly needed supervision. That I was to be seen and not heard. Once again I found myself rooting for Jasper.

As the high from the hunt wore off, I noticed we were heading in the direction of the house. Not wanting this to go unsaid I put a hand on Jasper's bicep to get him to stop. He wouldn't look me in the face, but that was okay because I didn't think I could handle seeing the sadness I could already feel leaking off of him. So, I stared at his jaw and throat, memorizing the jagged scars that stood out so much more now that I could really see them, _see him._

I thought of what I would say to him before I opened my mouth, but what actually came out was something completely different, "You must have spent many years as Maria's captain to have received so many bites. Do they hurt at all? I know that every once in a while if I was thinking about it or dreaming about it, I could still feel his teeth in my flesh; his lips on my skin."

Jasper cocked his head to the side but didn't answer.

"Never mind, I don't know why I asked that. You don't have to answer." He quirked an eyebrow and turned away. I was stalling and he knew it, because the words I needed to say, the words Jasper needed to hear would mean I really would have to say goodbye to Edward. I knew it was what I needed, but that didn't make letting go any easier.

He turned back to me and looked me in the eye. There was a determination there that wasn't present a minute ago. "One would think, like you, that it would take a long time to accumulate scars like mine. When really, most of them were made in a span of two years; the worst two years of my existence. Maria was overrunning so many strongholds that instead of killing them all she would just keep those that weren't lost in the battles. Really, that just meant that I would have more to execute later." I could tell he wasn't happy about telling me. He wasn't proud of his past, but he wasn't ashamed of it either. Jasper Whitlock survived though those years and that's all that counts because he is still here today.

"You didn't have to tell me that. I really shouldn't have asked." I ducked my head only for Jasper to lift my chin with a long finger.

"I told you, silly girl, that I would always answer your questions." He dropped his hand, "We should get back to the house. Carlisle might not want to light the pyre now that it's dark, it might draw attention." He made to take a step but I stopped him again.

"Jasper, wait. There's something I need to say but, I don't want to say it if it's going to hurt you more than I already have." He looked at me a moment.

"You don't need to say anything. You've already said what you need to. Don't worry about me, Bella."

His feelings betrayed him. He was curious now and I seemed to have planted a seed of hope in that pretty blond head of his. So, I took up his hands in mine and kissed his knuckles. I had to start slow because if I jumped in headfirst I would startle us both.

I kept one hand in both of mine and released the other. Turning his palm up I traced the lines there. Jasper didn't protest or try and take his hand away but I was making him nervous. I kissed his palm and took a deep breath. I was just moving his sleeve up to kiss his wrist when he said my name in a breathy whisper.

"Bella..."

I reached for his face with both of my hands and his own hands covered mine. Tentatively, I kissed the corner of his mouth, and then the other. I knew I was pushing it because as my experiment got more bold, the one word echoing through my mind got louder.

Edward.

I knew I couldn't rush whatever we were supposed to be, and frankly, Jasper wasn't in the clear yet. He still had some explaining to do about what happened three days ago. For now though I would give him the benefit of the doubt and lay it on the line for him plain and simple.

He took my hands away from his face, but he didn't let them go.

"Jasper, I'm just going to say it: I'm not ready for you. I just need time... I know I can be what you need me to be, but I just can't do that right now. If we really are meant to be, then, I'm sure we can hang on a little while longer for me to get my head on straight. I have to focus on me right now, and what I could use, is a friend. So, Jasper, can you be my friend? Can you be the one to help me through this? I know I'm going to need someone to lean on and I hope that someone will be you.

"I can't force myself to love you, but I can start off somewhere. I know that something is there because earlier today, that was a feeling I've never had before. Most people can be around someone and then gradually begin to love them and never know exactly when it happened. So, think about it."

He returned the kisses to my knuckles, "I will, Bella." Jasper motioned we should move on, so we headed back to the house.

* * *

When we walked into the house Esme was the only one waiting for us. It was hard to see my human memories, they were vague and blurry; seeing Esme with my new eyes left me staring. She looked totally different. Not even the same person almost. Her hair wasn't brown, it was caramels, golds and reds. She wasn't ageless like the the teenagers in the family. She had the signs, like crinkles in the corners of her eyes and wonderful laugh lines that showed when she _really _smiled like she was doing right now.

The most wonderful thing I came to notice about Esme was her eye colour. The only Cullen I had taken the time to really look at was Jasper, so now, studying Esme's face I've come to notice that it wasn't anything like the colour of Jasper's. Yes, her eyes were gold, but they were a darker gold, like her hair. Jasper's eyes were much brighter in comparison.

This thought gave me some peace. It meant that I could look at each one of them and not be constantly reminded of Edward. The only problem was that I'd never noticed the difference between them with my human eyes. Like everything else about Edward, I never really knew the real him.

"Did you want to go see him? To take a moment. To say goodbye."

Esme's words startled me. I knew she spoke earlier, but I was finally taking the time to listen. Like her appearance, she sounded nothing like I remembered.

I gazed back at Esme with big eyes. All I'd wanted since waking up was to see Edward, but now that it was offered to me I wasn't so sure.

"I don't... how can I...?" I looked to Jasper, he wore a small grimace like smile as he nodded his head in encouragement. "Yes. I'd like to see him."

Esme used the same expression as she moved for the door Jasper and I just entered through. I moved to follow but Jasper took my hand, "Remember what I said? He isn't whole Bella, I know it will be hard but don't let this be the only way you remember him. Think of him as he was." The last words were whispered as he brought my knuckles to his lips once more.

"I will." was my whispered response.

* * *

I imagined Edward's grand finale would be something to rival a king. But when I got there I was surprised to see a very minimalistic approach. He lay there, on the pyre, with a blanket covering him. Esme tried to give me space, but I knew I wouldn't be left completely alone for a long time to come.

My approach was slow; I was waiting for him to sit up and yell 'surprise'. Then Emmett would jump out from behind a rock and say 'welcome to the family, little sis' and Rosalie would smack the back of his head.

But, none of that happened, so I stood beside him until I had the courage to look at his face. It didn't take me long because honestly, I was curious. What did Edward really look like? Was he as perfect as everyone thought he was?

The fleece felt wrong in my hands as I pulled it down just enough to see his face. I didn't let it fall any lower. I did not want to see what I knew would be there.

Edward truly was beautiful. His hair was a riot of coppers and reds and golds, his brow far more refined under my new gaze. His pale eyelids sat closed; lashes resting on his cheekbones. I wondered if his eyes would be gold or black, but couldn't bring myself to actually look. His nose, of no great importance, was just a little too thin for his face. The sharp angle of his jaw made his chin seem pointy and his lips look fuller than they were.

Would it be wrong if I kissed him one last time? I don't think I could do it. So I settled for grabbing his hand instead.

"Edward? It's Bella..." I felt silly talking to him like he would answer me back. Looking over my shoulder to find Esme, I spotted her near the trees and Carlisle had joined her. She nodded her head and gave me a small smile. I turned back to Edward, but didn't know where to start.

"I miss you. Why did you do it? Why did you let _her_ win? I guess I got what I wanted right? I just didn't realize it would cost me _you._"

I sat there, beside him for a little while. The rest of the family had joined Carlisle and Esme.

"Just know that I _loved_ you and always would have...Goodbye, love." I leaned down and kissed his cheek. "Jasper better be worth it."

Knowing that everyone heard made me self-conscience, but the new Bella is going to make a turn for the better. I stood up and walked back to the group with my head held high.

As Carlisle carefully lit the flames, the Cullen family watched as their first son, sibling and love burned. The purple smoke lingering in the air.

I let Jasper hold my hand, hoping that would be enough, but as I heard him whisper, "Goodbye, Edward." I couldn't hold on tight enough. My knees gave out and Jasper scooped me up before I could hit the ground.

We sat there, in the heat and the smoke. Jasper said goodbye to a brother. I said goodbye to my life as I knew it.

* * *

Back in the house I didn't know what to do with myself. Every room had a memory that didn't always make complete sense because I was missing too big of a chunk. I stopped myself when I started wishing Edward were here so he could fill in the blanks.

The kitchen, where I would never eat again; the cream coloured two-seat where Edward and I always sat; the dining room where family meetings were held.

The hardest room I thought would have been his bedroom, but it was the piano that really made my heart hurt. I sat down on the bench, mindful of my strength, and lifted the lid to reveal the ebony and ivory keys that would never be played by Edward again. I let my fingers float over the keys until I tried pressing one. The note rang out clear in the silence. In that moment I promised myself and Edward that I would learn how to play, after all, I would be around for a while.

I moved through the house until I was standing in front of Edward's closed door. I heard footsteps approach and willed my almost uncontrollable body not to tense. I knew I was safe in this house, but being new at this vampire stuff wasn't easy.

It was Carlisle that came to join me. He just stood there with me, staring.

"You can have any room you like, Bella. If you wish to have two rooms there's plenty. Emmett can knock out a bit of the wall and put in a door to join them. That's what Jasper and Alice did." Carlisle had a quiet voice, the kind that you can hear caring in.

"Thank you, Carlisle, but if you don't mind I'd just like to stay in Edward's room. I'll pick another one if you want to keep his room..." In a way, Edward's room felt familiar. I had lost count of how many times I'd slept in his bed or listened to his music. It just felt right to be there.

"Of course you can have Edward's room, it's all yours. It would have been yours anyway. I didn't want to rush you into the idea of having his space, but I think he would have wanted to you have it. No one has been in there since... well, you know. I'll leave you to yourself, if you need anything just shout. Oh, and Bella, I'm glad you're okay. Esme and I may have lost our son, but we have gained an incredible daughter."

I smiled up at Carlisle and gave him a hug. It felt nice to be reassured of my place in the family. I listened as he walked away. A door opened and closed. Then as if he was still standing right beside me, "She'll be okay. She wanted Edward's room, just like you knew she would."

I stopped listening and opened the door before me.

I slowly looked around. The south facing window wall was dark with the night sky. The stars looked so close, as if I could reach out and scoop one up. The whole room was a mess; like a tornado had gone through it. Clothes, both mine and Edward's were strewn across the couch and the bed. My school books, notes and novels littered the desk and underneath them a laptop computer.

The bed wasn't made. I could still see where both Edward and I had lain. The covers were tossed up on my side and on his the crinkles from where he stayed on top. My pyjamas sat in a ball by my pillow.

I walked over to the massive shelf that sat between the bathroom and closet doors. It took up as much space as possible; door jam to door jam. On the shelves was Edward's music. The middle shelf had doors and behind those doors was the stereo system which was wired into the wall. Edward had told me that the speakers were hidden in the walls so they didn't take up any space. I very gently tried the power button and the face of the machine lit up. It told me that I was listening to Andrea Bocelli, _'Con Te Partiro'. _

I liked the beginning; when she started singing I got lost in the foreign words. The sudden understandable words of the chorus startled me. She was telling me it was time to say goodbye. A man started singing as I searched frantic for the stop button. I finally recognized the CD switch and maybe used a little too much force. The dreadful music stopped and something new started.

The stereo once again told what I was listening to, this time it was something I recognized. Andrew Lloyd Webber's _'The Phantom of the Opera'_ blasted from the invisible speakers. I knew this album well, so I quickly shuffled to the song I was looking for. Track number twelve _'The Point of No Return'_ quietly filled my ears. I think subconsciously I enjoyed this music because I could identify with it. Listening now I noticed so many metaphors.

I couldn't bring myself to clean anything up, so I got into bed and curled up on Edward's pillow. I lay there listening as Gerard Butler the Phantom, whispered those fateful lyrics to Christine,

_'Say you'll share with me, one love, one lifetime._

_Lead me, save me from my solitude._

_Say you'll want me with you here, beside you,_

_Anywhere you go, let me go too._

_Christine, that's all I ask of you...'_

* * *

_Yay! Another chapter! Did you cry? Cause I got a little misty when I wrote it... Anyone out there a **Phantom **fan? _

_Jazz_


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